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Examples of Sex Experts' Free "Help"
(continuation)
(Use this list to
jump
to any item on this page)
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Go
Ask Alice
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Dr. Sandor Gardos at oxygen.com
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Sinclair
Intimacy Institute
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Sasha at Toronto Eye.net
and Montreal Mirror magazines
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sexuality.org
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Ask Eve
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Gyongyi Saunderson
at Maltamag.com
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Experts at sxetc.org
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Tarshi.org
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University of Toronto
A few dare to mention the truth!:
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Mariesa
Danielle at the New Zealand Health Network
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DateMasters.org
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Dr. Ruth Online
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In a question at Go
Ask Alice a few guys tell an expert that they think their penises are less than average in size. So they want to
know if size is really that important.
Alice:
"You really can't be all that unusual -- there's
already a whole group of you!! Almost every male seems to envy
someone else's penis. He wants one that's longer, wider, harder,
with more staying power, and he assumes that some other man, or
lots of other men, have one just like that. The truth is, there
is less variation among hard penises than among soft ones
because a smaller soft penis will increase more in size during
erection than a larger soft penis."
This is another attempt to avoid answering what these
guys really want to know. Like most counselors, this one also
uses the ever so popular Great Equalizer principle (see page 29 Flaccid
Size versus Erection) to soothe their
worries. Do they really believe that men will jump with joy when
they know that their 3" by 1" flaccid penis will grow to
a 5˝" by 1˝" erection (an "astonishing" 400%
increase in volume!) and the competition's 5 ˝" by
1˝" flaccid penises will become barely 8" by
2" (only 250% increase in volume)? Don't they
realize that any man will immediately see that the flaccid penis
of the second guy is already as big as the erection of the first
guy and that consequently his erection is 2.5 times bigger. Then
the expert continues:
Alice:
"Men invariably assume that their partner will
prefer a bigger penis. The reality is that your partner would most
probably prefer a more skilled, caring, warm lover. Maybe you guys
could stop focusing on your penis sizes, and instead work on
developing your skills and exchanging tips on touching, kissing,
caressing and lovemaking."
Of course, it doesn't take a genius to figure out
that women prefer a skilled, warm and caring lover above an
arrogant, cold hearted and incompetent one. But that wasn't the
question either. Just like politicians, these experts are trained
to say anything to avoid straightforward answers. The question was
"Is size important?" not "Are skill and caressing important?"
The issue is not "love, foreplay and skill." The question is
neither "Is penis size the most important thing in the life of
women?" The fundamental question is:
"Considering all other things equal, does a normal, healthy woman get the same vaginal pleasure from any penis no matter its size?"
Answer this
question with either yes or no. Add some ifs and buts to it if you
want, but be honest. This therapist is getting really into
dangerous waters by advising these guys to stop focusing on their
penis sizes, without telling them the truth first. Let's say
these guys follow her advice and after a while their women still
don't get earth shattering vaginal orgasms. They might think: "Well, since it is not the fault of my penis size, it must be my
fault. I am just not good enough." Well done therapist, you got
yourself a couple of new clients!
 Another question
from a woman to Dr. Sandor Gardos at oxygen.com:
"My husband of
eight years and I have recently began using a vibrator. Prior to
this, we had wonderful sex. After a few weeks of "good
vibrations," I believe he became intimidated. He is a sturdy
6.5 inches, while our new bedfellow is a perfect 10''. It is no
problem for me to insert the entire length, nor is it a problem
(with additional lubrication) to have both him and the vibrator
inside. The problem is now he feels he is too small, and though no
complaints have been mentioned about my size, he is convinced that
he is not satisfying me. I have tried to explain that the vagina
grows to accommodate, as well as shrinks, but he wants a second
opinion."
Dr. Gardos: "Get back to the bedroom and stop worrying about
this! Your wife is correct. As I have explained before, the
vagina is designed to expand and contract to fit almost any size
penis. Not to mention the fact that the inner two-thirds of the
vagina have very few nerve endings. It can be fun to play with a
large dildo or vibrator, but that does not mean in any way that
your wife is not satisfied with you or your penis size.
Honestly. Keep obsessing about this, though, and I guarantee it
will become a major problem. Instead, simply enjoy all the fun
varieties of sex you and your wife can have with or without a
vibrator. Besides, there is no vibrator anywhere that can
compare to a good human lover!"
This
expert gets rid of the question by simply throwing up some misleading
information and a cute sounding end phrase. This is not what is
going to help the man in question. The man knows that his wife is
enjoying ten-inch double penetrations. She has all the right to.
Sure, she also enjoys just to be penetrated by her husbands
average penis size. But don't let anybody tell this guy that
she won't miss the big vibrator if it is ever taken away from
her. He knows better than that. Nobody needs to insult his
intelligence by lying to him.
It is true that a vagina is designed
to expand and contract to fit almost any size penis. But that does
not tell you anything about the various pleasures she receives
upon penetration of different size penises. It is just another
attempt to extrapolate a false conclusion from a basic truth.
Be
sure that the questioner will keep obsessing about this after
hearing such a lame answer. What is he supposed to think after
he hears this expert insinuate that his wife actually doesn't feel
much in the inner two-thirds of her vagina, but each time he reaches deep inside
her with that ten inch dildo, she has a big orgasm?
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The following statement is not a response to a question but is
just part of an informational article about the penis at the Sinclair
Intimacy Institute:
Expert: "Many people in our society believe that
"bigger is better" and the myth that a big penis
will provide more sexual satisfaction to a woman is
widespread. Actually, penile diameter has little physiological
effect for the woman because the vagina can gradually adjust
to fit a penis of any circumference (remember, it is designed,
under the right conditions, to allow a baby to pass through
the same opening). The length of the penis, which determines
the depth of vaginal penetration, is relatively unimportant,
because it is the first one-third of the vagina that has the
most nerve endings and is most responsive to physical
stimulation. Penis size may, however, have positive or
negative psychological significance to a woman. Some women
prefer a large penis; others are put off by what they think is
"too large" or "too small"."
Look how these people try to
twist your thinking pattern. First, they state that a big penis does not give more sexual satisfaction to a woman,
calling it a myth. Then
they try to explain it by claiming that penis diameter has
little effect and penis length is relatively unimportant. "Little
effect" means there is still an effect and "relatively
unimportant" is so vague that it could also mean "relatively
important".
Now, even if a larger size causes only a little
more pleasure, it still means that "bigger is better"
without specifying how much better, since "a little more
pleasure" equals "a little better". So by simply agreeing
with their explanation we can already conclude that "bigger is
a little better". Of course, all women know that penis
thickness has a lot more than just a little effect on
their pleasure levels and that penises longer than average can
cause tremendous orgasms if used correctly. Besides, first
insinuating that women don't care about size and then mentioning
that a vagina is designed to let a baby pass through, might cause
men to worry even more about what thickness of penis women
really desire. At least accompany the statement with some
truthful explanation.
- A comment from a disgruntled reader to sex advisor Sasha
in her column Love Bites for the Toronto Eye.net
and Montreal Mirror magazines:
"I don't know how you can say penis size doesn't matter when a good chunk of the world is obsessed with it. All things being equal, would you want your son to have a small penis? Would you rather go out with a good-looking guy with a small penis or an average-looking guy with a large penis? Why do you have to be so politically correct in your columns? Why don't you try this experiment: ask a bunch of women in a room to choose between a small and a large dildo and see what they choose. All I can say is the average-size male penis is too small for most women. You don't have the guts to write about women who say penis size matters because you think you'd lose your job. One day you will because you're avoiding the topic. I bet whenever a guy writes in about penis size you laugh and throw the letter away." -- OSLER123.
Sasha:
"The world is obsessed with a great many things that don't matter. Don't even try using that as a stance to bolster a reasonable argument. We condone and approve of a lot of things without thinking. That's what being human is all about: walking around saying and doing stupid things. And you should get an award for it.
(...)
Almost every penis size has its merits (extreme cases have setbacks). I am very fond of the small cock. It fits comfortably in both southern orifices and those of us who were never awarded blowjob queen status in high school feel like champs with the five and unders. If this makes me PC (and I feel I am dealing with this terrible insult with great suavitude), so be it. If you want to go around saying size counts (it's either that or get good in bed, I guess), go ahead. One of my ex-lovers had one that was 11 inches erect. "You know where the big cock comes into play the most?" he asked me. "In the locker
room."
(...)"
Sasha is not your regular sex
counselor. Whereas other advisors mainly rely on books to form their
"play-safe" opinions, Sasha displays a sort of
"street-smartness" about sex and speaks straight
from the heart in a no-nonsense and unambiguous manner. Go check out the rest of her
response at Eye.net
because I left out a big part since I don't need to break her
down like the others.
...and then I read another
article from her where she recommends a few porn-movies to
watch as a couple, among which a movie by Rocco:
Sasha:
"...
two words: Rocco Siffredi. The man fucks like his goal is to launch the woman's brains out the top of her head. He spanks, he struts and he's gorgeous. I love his macho schtick. This film is..."
She loves his
macho schtick... Have you ever seen Rocco's
dick? Not exactly a small one, that's why she calls it a macho
schtick. Again, she talks from the heart,
straightforward and honest. Maybe she is also "very fond of
the small cock" like she says above, but this is exactly
what this is about: women giving contradictory information
about their preference for penis size.
Note:
Thanks to a message sent by an attentive reader on October 4
2002 (see comments),
I realized that I misinterpreted Sasha's statement above because
of my misunderstanding of the word schtick, which is a Yiddish
word that means behavior or routine, not "dick". My
apologies to Sasha; she's still number 1!
- The next one is another statement found on the web. It is part of a
large informational article about sexual development at sexuality.org.
Expert: "Penis size has nothing to do with how tall or muscular a man is, his race, or any other physical characteristic. The size of a penis when it is soft has little to do with its size when it is erect. And, the size of a man's penis has
nothing
to do with how much he and his partner enjoy sex. It is
not true
that the size of a man's penis affects his partner's sexual satisfaction."
No comment… (sigh)
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There are many more sexuality sites that claim to help people
but refuse to say it like it is. I will just show a small part
of their text and will let you do the commenting:
- Ask
Eve: "... If I did tell you that a particular size was preferred, is there anything you can do about it? Of course not! So relax and win her over with your great personality and be a knowledgeable caring lover and you will
never have to worry about penis size."
- Sex therapist Gyongyi Saunderson at Maltamag.com:
... Penis size is one of the most common concerns among males of any age. It is not only restricted to young men but the worries carry over to adulthood. Most of the time these fears are groundless and relate to self-esteem problems. In the majority of the cases, the man feels depressed and frustrated about the size of his penis regardless of its actual size. The size of man's penis has always been a big issue as it is a common notion that the bigger the better. This relates to the sexual
myth
that women find bigger penises sexually more attractive and satisfying."
- Experts
at sxetc.org: "Penises come in different sizes, different shapes. When flaccid (soft), penises can be anywhere from
an inch to several inches. When erect, all these different-sized penises tend to "even out" with each other.
... penis size doesn't really matter when it comes to sex. There are mega
myths about the importance of penis size which is why a lot of guys grow up learning to measure their masculinity by the size of their penis."
- Tarshi.org:
"Penile size (length and circumference) does not determine the quality of sexual activity or
satisfaction of the man or his partner."
- University
of Toronto: "... In females, the 1/3 of the vulva swells and narrows the opening (the physiological reason that
penis size is
not important; if arousal is high enough, the vagina will grip even a shorter or thinner-than-average
penis)."
Luckily there are a few places that dare to speak out
the truth.
-
I was about to give up on my search for a truthful professional but
then I found psychologist M. Dannielle at The New Zealand Health Network.
(link doesn't work anymore) Here is her answer
to the question: "Does penis size matter?"
M. Dannielle "My answer is straight and
forward: "Yes, it does!" Many men tend to run away from a sexual experience after this. However, many women will disagree. When I say that size matters, I mean it! Physiologically speaking, an extremely small size, say, less than one inch, is not likely to reach a woman's G spot and cause the necessary stimulation that leads to orgasm. On the other hand, an extremely large size, say, larger than three inches wide and ten inches long, is likely to cause pain or discomfort, even when a woman is very aroused.
Obviously, every woman is unique and some can be stimulated elsewhere than the G Spot. Women have different body shapes. Some are more capable of coping with extremes than others. So, this is why some women may prefer penis size L, or
XXXL, and others may prefer size S, or XXXS.
(...) Women often don't make a big fuss of size, because it is taken in conjunction with many other
factors. Women have learned to consider sex as part of a bigger picture, in our culture. In many cases they prefer not to have the ideal size, if it comes with violence, carelessness, and even ignorance about a woman's sexual needs. Some women also think that it is better not to have sex at all, when she is looking for marriage or commitment and her partner cannot offer it to her, regardless of penis size. When a man agrees that size matters, he will know its possibilities and limitations, and will take it into consideration when trying to satisfy his partner."
So far the only sex counselor
on the web who dares
to say it as it is.
-
The following is an answer to a question at DateMasters.org:
"What's more important for a woman's pleasure, penis
girth or length?"
Expert:
"Girth. The thicker the penis, the more stimulation
you'll feel in the first third of your vagina, which is packed
with pleasure producing nerve endings. During orgasm, the muscle
spasms here are extremely intense."
Although the answer is very short, this person deserves to
be applauded for not adding any unnecessary comments about women
preferring larger because of "psychological reasons only".
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A woman asks a question to famous Dr. Ruth at Dr.
Ruth Online: "I met a man who adores me. We get along very well. The problem is: His penis is very small. It is only like 3 inches long and 2 pencils wide when erect. I cannot feel him inside me. I do not think I could live the rest of my life without feeling that. Is there anything that can be done?"
Dr. Ruth: "(...) In the end, you have to weigh whether the relationship as a whole is worth making some compromises. If it is, then I think you can work things out. But if you decide that such compromises won't work for you,
then you should end the relationship."
Even Dr. Ruth admits that penis size
could sometimes be important enough to end a relationship for.
Next:
A Comment To The Experts
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